Welcome to our blog.

02/14/2014

This blog is for discussion of our book, DELIVER US FROM EVIL, child abuse survival in general, and the role that churches and other institutions should play in protecting children.   The web site for the book is:  http://www.deliverusfromevil.us .   As soon as the book is available for sale, you will be able to purchase it from links on the web page and the blog.  Meanwhile, check back from time to time for updates on our progress and links to articles and discussions of interest related to the book.
 
You are welcome to participate with your comments as long as they are considerate and polite.  We welcome relevant contributions such as book titles and internet links.  Anyone with abuse issues or comments of their own are welcome to leave those comments here.   Comments will be briefly delayed for review before they appear.

We want to stress that our book is not an indictment of the Mormon Church or religion in general.  Most Mormons raise wonderful families and do not abuse children.  We will be discussing aberrations and deviations which can happen in any religion and in people who have no religion.

We hope that, by bringing our father's abuse to the attention of the Mormon Church Court, we were able to raise that religion's consciousness about the prevalence of child sexual abuse and the harm it causes.

Our book will address those issues as well as the processes of therapy and recovery.  We hope you enjoy the articles, sayings, news articles and book excerpts on this blog.

COMMENTS CAN BE LEFT AT THE END OF EACH ARTICLE OR ITEM.  Thank you.

Deliver Us From Evil 

C H A P T E R   O N E

by

Deborah Hunter-Marsh

 

            Dead at age 75.  Praise the Lord! As his daughter, I'm free at last!  I am free!  There is one less pedophile walking the streets at night.  His obituary reads:  “Walton W. Hunter died at his home in Huntington Beach, California after a long, lingering illness.  Born October 25, 1920 in Enoch, Texas . . . Served in the Air Force. . . Served two missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. . . Mormon Bishop twice for 17 years . . . Dedicated to missionary work . . .loved teaching and expounding gospel . . .counseled church members in times of stress . . .Prominent businessman . . . Hunter Motor Company.”  What they forgot to add was “Charming sociopath . . . conniving pedophile. . . master manipulator . . . controlled people with money.”

            More of his obituary:  “Loving husband to June B. Hunter and devoted father to four children:  Wayne Hunter (Utah); Rebecca Hunter-Rapp (California); Deborah Hunter-Marsh (Oregon); Cynthia Hunter-Steele (California).  Also, he was a devoted grandfather to 21 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.” 

            That was the family, as sick and twisted as they ever were back in 1995.  You won’t hear much about Wayne, our older brother, or Cynthia, our little sister, in our book because of a little family dispute:  they don’t believe that this story ever happened.  They believe the fairytale that ours was the perfect Mormon family, where everyone was happy.  Theirs was a childhood of hot rods and after-school snacks, riotous jokes and trips to Disneyland.  Everything would still be great for them––except for those pesky sisters, Rebecca and Deborah, who keep making up outlandish lies about our father raping and molesting them and their children.  We also disagree about poor little Mom, how she cleaned up sheets from our beds without even seeing the blood or body fluids on them. Furthermore, we have been unable to agree about our mother’s part in the abuse of their grandchild, Alexander.  So we disagree a little––what family doesn’t?  If Wayne and Cynthia were writing this book, they would stomp their foot and urge us to quiet down and go away.  But it is our story and our book, and we are going to tell the family secrets.  Hopefully, this story will help other men and women who have been abused, who are too scared to speak, and have had to bear their family secrets in silence.  As my therapist Dr. Sterling Ellsworth always told me: “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.  But first it may make you miserable!” 

            So hold on to your hats, buy a bookmark, and hide under the covers if need be, because the trip you’ll take with our story may be scary at times. It will be graphic at times, but we promise it will be true all the time. 

            As they say on Law and Order:  “We have the evidence!”

SVAVA'S POST
Self Denial

For this third week of National Child Abuse Prevention month, I’d like to talk about self-denial.  Part of surviving child sexual abuse is learning to deny the reality of what’s happening to us. 

To do that, we made up stories about our families and ourselves.  It’s how we survive.  We push away the reality that someone we love and trust would hurt us again and again in this horrible, painful way. 

One of the stories we create is that the abuse is our fault.  We must be bad kids, or we must have done something wrong to merit this kind of horrendous “punishment.”  So we try harder to do better.  Perfectionism becomes our goal.  But that doesn’t work either.  The abuse continues no matter what.   

When you deny reality, you deny yourself.  Unfortunately, this is a toxic legacy we carry from our traumatized childhood into adulthood.  It warps our core beliefs about life, the world, and everyone around us.  When we deny ourselves, we disconnect from our hearts and our needs.  We deny who we truly are.

Yet it feels like such a risk to face reality.  And it is.  When we allow the truth about our past to unfold it changes everything.  It changes what we’ve always believed about ourselves, our personal relationships, and the future. 

But this is a risk we must take.  No matter how much you’d like to resist, you must step outside your comfort zone.  I know how that feels.  It’s like someone pulled the rug out from under you.  Yet you have to do it.  It’s the only way to end the pain, fear, anxiety, and frustration that poison your life.

So keep moving forward.  Trust the process.  You are an amazing human being, and you have been gifted with the tools and talent to do this.  You have!

One day you’ll look in the mirror, and you’ll realize you truly love who you’ve become.  But to do that, you need to stop denying yourself.  You need to ask yourself this question: “Who am I?”  The answer is the place where your healing journey begins.

********

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today.  Take the time to invest in yourself.  You’re worth it!

GUEST BLOGGER:

SVAVA

Because April is National Child Abuse Prevention month, I thought I’d tell you a little about the work I do with Darkness to Light.   

Darkness to Light Stewards of Children is an organization dedicated to empowering people to prevent child sexual abuse.  Its programs raise awareness by educating adults about the steps they can take to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly when faced with the reality of child sexual abuse. 

I’m a certified instructor for Darkness to Light, and I train facilitators.  I love this work!  Why?  Because it allows me to teach people what they need to know, so they can return to their communities and educate others about how to keep kids safe.  Darkness to Light is proven, evidence-based, and it works. 

Here’s another reason why I’m such a big fan of this program. 

Ten years ago it wasn’t easy for me to talk about myself and the painful abuse I suffered as a child.  But I was deeply committed to this mission.  It had become a goal of mine.  I knew, without a doubt, this kind of training would have made all the difference in my childhood if the adults around me had known how to respond and keep me safe.  Darkness to Light gave me the tools I needed to achieve this goal and become a confident public speaker. 

But we all need to do our part.  Join the movement, get educated, and share what you’ve learned.  You could be saving a child’s life.  Maybe a child in your family.  If you’re interested in more information about Darkness to Light, you’ll find it here: http://www.d2l.org. 

As long as children are being sexually abused in this country, I’ll continue to provide Darkness to Light training wherever I can.  If you’re in San Diego, my next facilitator training session is April 11th.  There’s still room if you’d like to join me.  Just check out this page on my website for more details: http://www.educate4change.com/services.html  

Remember, we are stronger together.  We really are.

                                                                   ********
Were you sexually abused as a child?  Is your life stuck as an adult, and you can’t seem to move forward?  I offer private coaching sessions by phone or skype ($55.00 per hour) for child sexual abuse survivors just like you.  To set up an appointment, call 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com today.  Take the time to invest in yourself.  You’re worth it!

Are you on my email list?  If you’d like to receive my empowering monthly newsletter and an email with a link to my weekly blog post, click here: http://www.educate4change.com/ 

Hi, Everyone!

 

This is an update on the book and other bits of important matters.  The book is finally finished and we are now looking for a publisher.  It is with a couple of agents and when my RSD (Reflex Sympathetic  Dystrophy) a chronic painful nerve disease.  When that and my bronchitis get better I will write more.  Let me tell you about something else that's exciting.

 

 

April is National Child Abuse Month.  To celebrate this important month of awareness, I’d like to tell you about the blue ribbon I wear.  It’s not only the universal symbol for child abuse prevention, but it’s also part of the logo for the child sexual abuse (CSA) organization I co-founded in Iceland.

 

I love how this ribbon creates awareness!  Every time I wear it people ask about it.  That gives me the opportunity to talk about CSA and how important it is for adults, parents, and teens to be educated. 

 

As you can imagine, after 10 years of coaching abuse survivors and teaching about CSA, I have many blue ribbons pinned to most of my clothing. ;-)

 

 

Would you please wear a blue ribbon and tell people about child abuse and how important it is to help look for signs of abuse in children in their neighborhood and wherever they go.

Thank you.

 

Deborah Hunter Marsh

 

By the way please like my Facebook page.  It's important! 
https://www.facebook.com/DeliverUsFromEvilBook

 

Living from the Heart, Not the Hurt

 

What does that mean?  What does that look like?

 

Well, let me start by telling you what it doesn't look like.  My life is no longer ruled by the burden of fear, shame, and pain I carried from the sexual abuse I suffered as a child.  All of this negative emotion festered and snowballed from childhood into adulthood.  It almost took me down, damaging my relationships and my marriage.  I became my own worst enemy, expecting the worst of everyone.

 

 

 

Today, I live from the heart, knowing and believing I’m lovable, valuable, courageous, compassionate, gentle, loyal, and creative.  I’m a heart-centered person, and I deserve all the joy and peace the world has to offer.

 

I'm no longer a rigid, controlling, too-serious, shaming, sarcastic stick-in-the-mud, who takes everything personally and is always the victim of my circumstances.

 

Here’s the good news.  You’re also a creative, courageous, valuable, lovable person.  Embrace this truth.  It’s the “real” you! 

 

Private Coaching

 

 

Were you sexually abused as a child?  Are you stuck as an adult?  I know how that feels.  You’ve read all the right books, tried everything you can think of, and the same negative things keep happening in your life and relationships.  It’s a depressing hamster wheel, and you can’t figure out how to stop it.
 

 

 

 

 

I can help.  I went through all of that on my own healing journey and finally found my way out.  I can help you escape this awful cycle, too.

That’s why I offer private coaching for those stuck in this frustrating place.  Some just need an hour, and they can move forward again.  Others need more.  Everyone is different.  

I charge $55.00 per hour for Abuse Survivor Coaching.  Call me at 619-889-6366 or email svava@educate4change.com to set up an appointment.

If you need someone safe, someone who knows exactly how you feel and won’t judge, contact me.  We can talk about it.  I‘m always happy to listen.